Chapter 15

Kitty

“So, Kitty, what do you like to do for fun?” David rested his chin in his hands, elbows either side of his well-laden plate of chicken, peas, and potatoes.

I honestly didn’t know how to answer his question, as sweet and simple as it was.

“Don’t put her on the spot like that, David,” Caroline came to my rescue.

“What? I just wanted to get to know her…” he complained. 

“It’s really alright,” I tried to placate, but it became quickly apparent this was not about me.

“Well, it’s rude,” Caroline glared, “She’s here as our guest and we don’t need to be interviewing her.”

“I’m interested,” Lilith piped up.

“And you!” Caroline redirected her ire. 

“I think we could all try to avoid having a family fight quite so early in the evening,” Jen begged. 

Caroline and David grumbled a truce.

“It’s really alright,” I laughed nervously, clearly unable to avoid talking about work, “Sadly, I haven’t really taken much time for fun recently, I’ve been working rather solidly on my research.”

“Oh, you’re a student? What do you study?” David asked. 

Caroline shook her head and started in on her chicken.

“History,” I answered, “but it’s a post-doc, so I suppose I technically stopped being a student.”

“What’s a post-doc?” David looked confused. 

“It’s after you finish your doctorate,” Caroline interrupted, swallowing a mouthful of roast potato and gesturing toward me with her fork, “It means, Astrid’s girl is a doctor.”

“A doctor of History?” Lilith skewered a Brussels sprout with a frown.

“Yes,” I tried to smile, “But only recently. I finished last year and I just started the post-doc position, which involves writing up some of my ideas into a new book, whilst continuing the research.”

Astrid looked at me proudly. 

“Well done,” Caroline chomped, “Tha‘s very impressive.”

“Thank you,” I blushed, yearning to get off the topic. 

I was already wildly uncomfortable about it with Astrid there, and I didn’t want to go further down that road in front of everyone. 

“She’s very clever,” Astrid beamed, but then started in on exactly what I hoped to avoid, “But she works way too hard.”

“Oh dear, yes,” David concurred, “I didn’t get past secondary school myself, but know how it goes.”

Caroline nodded, grimly. 

“It’s true, she was working herself into an early grave,” Astrid turned to me with a wink, “I’ve had to set a curfew, so she doesn’t keep at it all through the night.”

I couldn’t meet Astrid’s eyes. 

“Isn’t that right, Kitty?” she smiled, before looking confused, ”Right?” 

I tried to open my mouth but nothing came. 

I had been feeling so guilty about working late the night before and had fully intended to tell Astrid when I saw her, but things had moved on so fast. 

That was a lie. 

Fuck. I was lying to myself. 

I wanted to tell her the moment I did it, and then when I arrived at her place, but I froze. 

I could have taken her aside before we went into the Hearth, or even before we sat down. 

But I didn’t. 

What did I think would happen? 

I had no idea. 

But that wasn’t the worst of it. 

The worst was knowing I would disappoint Astrid, and now I very clearly had. 

Her jaw set and her brow furrowed deeply.

The moment lingered. 

I could feel all eyes fall on us both. 

Jen reached a hand to cover Astrid’s gently. 

“We’ll talk about this when we get home, Kitty,” Astrid said flatly. 

I nodded, still with no voice. 

I looked around at the dawning of realisation spreading across everyone’s faces. It was surreal how everyone seemed to understand exactly what had happened. 

I felt wretched.

“Then that’s settled,” Jen squeezed and released Astrid’s hand, having picked up on everything quicker than the others, “Now… have I ever told you about the time I moved into the co-op and accidentally introduced myself to the whole neighbourhood?”

Lilith groaned at what must be a well-worn story for the family, but Jen went on to tell it anyway. 

I tried to take in what was being said, but my heart pounded in my ears and I kept stealing glances at Astrid. 

An eruption of laughter drew me back to the table from my ruminations.

“…so I started to thrash the darling girl,” Jen tittered, “and when we were done and she was somewhat back together, we slunk downstairs to meet my new flatmates who were all in the kitchen waiting for us with a bowl of ice for Megan’s arse!” 

Lilith was giggling, David had a big grin, and Caroline a wry smile, but I couldn’t see Astrid’s face turned towards Jen. 

My throat ached and I wanted to flee. 

“… and then Caroline knocked on the front door and joined us in the kitchen,” Jen sold her story with wild hand gestures and pointing, “introduced herself to me for the first time, saw Megan getting her naked backside iced by the others and said, ’Oh, that was you I could hear you all the way down the road!’”

Another burst of laughter from the table. 

I didn’t understand, but perhaps it was also because I just didn’t feel at all like laughing.

“I had left the window open and all the houses are packed together on the narrow street,” Jen laid it out for me from around Astrid, who had now turned to look at me as well, “So, the sounds of the walloping had echoed down the whole co-op, as well as through the thin walls to my housemates!”

Jen grinned, clearly expecting a response so I strained a smile, “Oh goodness.”

I mentally kicked myself for not thinking of anything better to mutter. 

Astrid was implacable.

“Well, I was certainly impressed by the volume all the way down the street to my front porch,” Caroline grinned, “Did I ask you to join the family that day?”

“Not quite, but not long after!” Jen laughed again. 

The rest of the evening revolved around anecdotes from the rest of the family about how they all came to live in the co-op.

Lilith, just turned 21, was the most recent arrival. She described leaving Southend when she and her girlfriend were outed at a party. Though the relationship hadn’t lasted long when they got to London, she still saw her from time to time, and was doing well apparently. Lilith had managed to find her way to Caroline and David through a rough-sounding squat and they had taken her in. 

Caroline and David for their part talked about having found each other in a gay bar off the Kingsland Road, years prior. Being trans, and having grown up in the 50s and 60s, they found they had a lot in common and had always felt outside what they called ’the younger gay scene.’ Penniless at the time, they decided to move in together when a spot in the co-op opened. They had been there ever since, finally taking over the house in which they initially had a single room.

“Not that we ever were together,” Caroline clarified.

“Though there was that one time, when we tried,” David looked at her meaningfully.

“Don’t remind me,” she groaned to David, then smiled at me, “Honestly, Kitty, we had no idea what to do with each other, it was a farce.”

“Sadly so,” David lamented dramatically, “We would have cut a fine figure of a heterosexual couple.”

Caroline snorted and Jen let out a filthy laugh. 

Dessert was served as Jen recounted her own arrival, which had been somewhat anomalous for the group. Unlike the others, she had a university education, having studied Social Work at the South Bank. It was all a part of her master plan, she explained conspiratorially, which elicited another groan of recognition from Lilith.

“That story again?”

“Not everyone has heard it, Lilith,” Jen countered and looked at me meaningfully, “Anyway, I was poor as fuck, working as a maid whilst studying, and gay as a daffodil and didn’t care who knew it. Which all meant my housing options were rather limited at the time.”

Lilith refocused on her apple-crumble and custard, whilst the others listened attentively with their forks down or held still. 

“So, I heard about this queer paradise in Dalston, which somehow managed not to cost an arm and a leg, and it sounded like the perfect place to park my sorry arse and build my practice.”

“Your practice?” I asked, finally having found my voice.

“I’m a counsellor,” she announced proudly, “I offer counsel and discipline to those in need.”

“She’s like a therapist for kinksters,” David explained, “but not really actually allowed to call herself a therapist, so she’s a counsellor. She meets people and couples and gives advice and helps them out. One way she helps people out, is she offers discipline and punishment for those that need it.”

David stopped short, looked to Astrid and back to myself.

“Yes, well,” Jen once again redirected for us, “I like to be of service to my community.”

The meal concluded with David telling stories of the queer communities he had been a part of in London and how they had evolved. Despite the pit in my stomach, it was wonderful to hear how they created such tight-knit families, helping and supporting each other through what sounded like very rough times. 

Caroline didn’t offer much comment as David relayed their histories, but I noticed the scars on her arms, neck, and even hairline. 

They truly took care of each other. Financially, emotionally, and physically. They were all barely scraping by, but they were doing it together.

Truly as a family. 

It felt precious to be a small part of that for the night. 

Even if I had made an utter mess of it all. 

Finished with crumble, the family rose from the table. 

I helped Astrid with her chair. 

She thanked me shortly and went to talk to Jen. 

I stacked our plates and brought them into the kitchen part of the room.

Caroline was already running a tap for the dishes as Lilith and David continued to tidy the table. 

“Just set them down there,” Caroline nodded to the counter next to the sink. 

“Can I help at all?” I asked.

“No, I’ll just soak these,” she let the plates sink into the sudds, “and I’ll get Lilith and David to finish up.”

I looked around awkwardly, uncertain of where to put myself or what to do.

“You’re alright, you know,” she turned to me. 

I couldn’t quite figure out if she meant in general, just that night, or that I would be alright with Astrid.

“Thank you,” I mumbled.

“She’s disappointed. And hurt,” Caroline explained, ”She takes this all very seriously. Always has.” 

I stared at the ground, tears threatening again.

“Hey,” Caroline lifted my chin with a soapy hand, “She feels that way because she really cares about you. It’s writ all across her face. We can all see it.”

“I feel so bad,” was all I could muster.

“Yes,” Caroline nodded firmly, “But that’s because you care too.”

I looked to the back of Astrid, who was engaged in whispers with Jen.

“She’ll have your hide, that’s for sure” Caroline drew my attention back, “and that’ll do you both some good I think.”

I went pale and then blushed. 

I couldn’t take in what she said but thought I understood. 

Emotionally, if not intellectually.

“Go get it over with,” she instructed abruptly but not unkindly, “And when you’re done, come back any time. You’re always welcome.”

“Thank you, Caroline,” I said earnestly.

She nodded curtly, “Call me mum if you like, every other sod here does.”

I smiled, “Alright, mum.”

She waved me off and I joined Astrid and Jen. 

“…bring her to brunch, we can talk about it then,” Jen was saying as I walked up and they both turned to me.

“It was lovely to meet you, Kitty, and I’ll be seeing you again soon, I think,” Jen said pleasantly, drew me into a hug, and whispered in my ear, “You’ll be alright.”

She smiled warmly as she pulled back and nodded to Astrid.

“Later, sis,” Jen waved and went to sit at the table with Lilith painting her nails black. 

Astrid looked at me seriously. 

I couldn’t speak. 

“Come, girl, help me with my coat.”

I wasn’t used to this tone and it made me sad and nervous at the same time. 

I curtseyed, joined her in the hall to help her with her coat before she dressed me in mine. 

We walked down the road silently. 

I still had no idea what to say as we arrived at Astrid’s door, which she unlocked and I opened. 

We entered, disrobed, and went into the living room, where Astrid turned to face me.

“You disobeyed me.”

“Yes, Miss.” 

“Tell me.” 

“I… I worked very late last night, Miss,” I confessed shakily.

She stood stoic. 

I didn’t know if I should add anything. 

I wanted to explain. 

That I had become terribly anxious to make the presentation perfect for the following week. 

That I had been looking forward to our weekend but also knew I wouldn’t be able to work, so was compelled to do more before meeting her that evening. 

That on some level I knew I didn’t need to. That it was all there.  

But there was also an undeniable urge to make sure it shined anyway. 

Then I was indignant. 

She didn’t understand the pressure of that. 

How could she? 

But it faded as quickly as it flared when I looked at her stoney face again. 

I had disobeyed her, there was nothing else to it. 

“I’m… I’m really sorry, Miss.”

“Were you going to tell me?” her soft-spoken query was like a knife to the heart.

“Yes, Miss, I promise… I meant to, first thing… but then… I didn’t,” I added, weakly, “I would have. I was going to. I just didn’t want to before dinner.”

Astrid’s lips twitched before she was quickly unreadable again. 

“I’m going to punish you now, Kitty,” she said in the same flat tone. 

My heart was in my mouth. 

It wasn’t entirely fear. 

I needed something. 

I yearned for something. 

But it was impossible to articulate what. 

It was profound though. 

And confusing.

“Yes, Miss.” 

“I would send you home to get changed, but it’s late and this won’t wait,” she continued, “but I refuse to punish you dressed like that, so you will go into the bedroom and pick something out.” 

“Yes, Miss.”

“I told you punishment was a formal affair,” she explained, “So, I expect you to present yourself appropriately.”

“Yes, Miss.”

“Go on, then.”

“Yes, Miss,” I curtseyed, walked numbly into the bedroom and to her wardrobe. 

I was on the verge of bawling my eyes out but couldn’t break down. 

I wanted to show Astrid I could and would obey her. 

I ached to show her that. 

I shifted through the clothes that were hanging. Her beautiful suits. 

They always looked so stunning on her. I truly loved the way she wore herself. But on me? 

I couldn’t think about that. I needed to get back to her. 

I pulled out a long black pleated skirt, a white blouse and black pussy bow-tie. 

I managed the skirt and blouse well enough, even getting the collar buttoned over my other leather collar, but I had no idea what I was doing with the bow. 

I leaned over to look into the vanity, trying to make it presentable. 

Managing an approximation, I stood and inspected myself, stiff and uncomfortable. But I figured the best I could do was to dress the way I thought she would want me to. 

I tried to swallow it and walked back into the living room with a curtsey. 

Astrid hadn’t moved from where she stood. 

She watched me reenter, her expression unchanged, “Well, that’s at least more appropriate. It seems you are able to follow instructions after all.” 

My heart sank even further into my stomach. 

“Go face the corner with your hands on your head, the way I showed you.”

“Yes, Miss.” 

I shuffled to the corner and adopted the pose she had taught me the previous weekend. The one she said we should strive never to use. 

I heard Astrid leave the room as I stood alone, a heaving mess.

I waited there. Interminably.

A door shut and a short wooden thud followed before the room returned to silence. 

“Come here, girl.”

“Yes, Miss,” I turned to find Astrid changed into her grey suit skirt and jacket, a similar white blouse to the one I wore and a dark grey bow tied at the collar. 

I stepped forward to where she stood behind a tall wooden stool, upon which lay a thin three-foot-long cane with a curled handle on one end. 

I tried to stand as she taught me to, with my hands folded in front of me.

I kept my eyes lowered as Astrid’s gaze burned into me.

“I’m extremely disappointed and sad you would disobey me like this, Kitty,” she said quietly, “This was something I told you to do for your own health and well-being.”

Her words seared. 

“We will be talking more about this and I will think of a way to ensure you do as you’re told with your over-work in future.”

I had no idea what she meant but didn’t have the wherewithal to process it just then anyway.

“Before we get to that, we have an accord to honour,” she stepped around the side of the stool, “You have accepted my authority over you and I have in turn promised to care for you.”

“Yes, Miss,” the depth of her words struck me.

“We agreed when we started this that I would punish you if you disobeyed me, is that correct?”

“Yes, Miss,” I surrendered. 

I knew I needed what she was offering. 

And on some deep unfathomable level. 

I couldn’t say exactly how or why.

But I craved… something.

“Yes,” Astrid acknowledged and was silent. 

”Kitty, I’m going to cane you now and I mean to make it a lesson you won’t forget.”

My throat seized, so nodded instead.

“In a moment, I will ask you to bend over this stool,” she picked up the rod almost reverently, 

“You will not move or get up until I tell you to.”

“Yes, Miss.”

“And Kitty,” she concluded, “Just so there’s no misunderstandings… this will be a severe caning.”

“Yes, Miss,” I agreed, rooted to the spot, my breath short and my heart pounding. 

Despite everything, I hadn’t actually considered the reality of the caning until just that moment.

“Then bend over, girl.”

Astrid

“Yes, Miss,” Kitty curtseyed before bending forward over the stool. 

I was devastated at dinner, when it was so obvious she had disobeyed. 

It was awful sitting next to her for the whole rest of the meal not knowing what to say or feel. 

I wanted to bawl. 

I started to believe it was all over and Kitty was going to leave me. 

Jen was kind enough to set me straight, pointing out that Kitty hadn’t in fact bolted for the door and I needed to just cane her, for both our sakes. 

”Let her feel the shame and pain of it and go from there,” she’d insisted, ”Trust in your contract.”

I tried to take in Jen’s advice, even though I was near to constant panic. 

I knew in my head, disobedience was part of submission sometimes. 

But, fuck… it hurt. 

And then when she came in wearing my skirt and blouse, looking so dejected, I just wanted to hug her and tell her it was all fine. 

But I knew she needed me to follow through with my promise to her. 

To hold that structure when she faltered. 

Alexis taught me that, when I was her apprentice and had fucked up myself. 

I felt so awful at the time. Perhaps just like Kitty did now. 

Alexis bent me over a similar stool and I remembered how it was after. The pain and misery, but also the release and reconnection.

My jaw clenched as I raised her skirt over her back and pulled her panties down to her knees. 

“You will count each stroke out loud,” I tried to keep my voice steady as I stepped back and measured the cane across her seat.

“Yes, Miss.”

I paused before I lifted the rod and brought it down with a swish. 

The crack resonated around the room like a thunder clap and Kitty lurched forward, gasping loudly.

“O…one, Miss”

I brought the cane down again. 

She screeched, but lay still.

“Two, Miss.”

Tram-lines bloomed instantly. They were the unmistakable tell of a caning, two thin red lines evenly marked on the skin signifying the space between where both sides of the rod struck. 

I brought the cane down again which drew another screech from Kitty. 

Sweat formed on my forehead and tears wrenched in my chest. 

“Three… three, Miss.”

Three more to go, I told myself. 

I had already decided on six, to make sure it stuck. 

Half way, I bolstered myself. 

I held my breath and brought the cane down again. 

Kitty gasped and her body shivered.

“F… Four… Miss,” she exhaled, struggling to hold herself in place, gripping the legs of the stool with both hands. 

I waited for her to steady and took the time to survey the strokes already delivered. 

I noted the even spacing I had been aiming for. 

“Always lay them out carefully,” Alexis had taught me one day at ‘Lips, whilst we stood over a girl bound to the horse. 

She pointed out the distance between sets of tram-lines on the girl’s backside, “You can criss-cross a bit for sure, but honestly, I like to cover a wide area both for safety but also to drive the point home.” 

I brought the cane down once more, this time on the back of Kitty’s upper thighs. 

She screamed and lifted each leg one at a time, almost stomping them, but managed not to shift out of position. 

“Fi… Five, Miss,” she wheezed hard. 

I watched her, waiting for her breath to rest before I delivered the last stroke.

Kitty screamed, grit her teeth, and finally did stomp her feet but managed to stay down. 

Her breath was ragged and hard. 

I waited. 

_Please say it_, _Kitty_, _please don’t make me remind you_.

“Si…. Six, Miss,” she finally whispered. 

“Good girl,” I exhaled. 

I let her lie there for a moment more, so she could breathe into it. 

The pain would be searing at that point and wouldn’t fade for a while. 

Her stripes, clear as day now, crossed the breadth of her backside. 

Kitty had never had the cane, but she took every stroke like the very good girl she really was. 

I was so proud of her. 

I would tell her so later. But just then I held my gaze stern.

“Stand up, and rearrange yourself” I ordered when I thought she had settled enough to move. 

“Ye…Yes, Miss,” she stiffly raised herself to stand and lifted her panties under her drooping skirt. 

She drew in her breath sharply as she pulled her underwear up.

“Go stand in the corner, hands on your head,” I tried to hide the tremor in my throat.

“Yes, Miss,” she managed to curtsey with a wince again. 

My goodness… she really was a good girl.

Kitty took her place in the corner and began to quietly sob. 

It wrenched at me to see her like that. 

“You will put the girl in the corner after you’re done caning her,” Alexis had said, “It’s the opposite of what you do when you spank for discipline. Then you hold her tight, and stroke her hair. After punishment, well, you have to let her stand alone.”

I had protested that. 

It felt cruel and unnecessary.

“She won’t thank you,” she had rebutted, “In fact, she probably couldn’t handle you holding her just then. She needs to stay in the moment. Let her feel the release. Give her the space, but also hold it. Make sure she knows, even if she is in the corner alone, you are still there, keeping her.”

I learned why that part was so important to the ritual when Alexis caned and put me in the corner for my own fucking-up. 

I remembered feeling truly, fully, and properly punished when I stood and cried like that. 

Kitty shivered through her tears, but slowly calmed. 

I ached for her. 

I watched her find her balance again, so I set my jaw. 

“Come here, girl.”

“Yes, Miss,” Kitty croaked before turning, curtseying, and coming to stand in front of me, hands folded. 

Not trusting to know what to say, I borrowed the words Alexis had for me after my own punishment years prior, “I hope this has been a sufficient reminder to obey me?”

“Yes, Miss,” Kitty’s tears ran down her cheeks and neck into her collar top. 

“I certainly hope so,” I almost broke, “Because I have no problem starting again if the lesson has not yet been learned?”

“Yes, Miss, it has, Miss,” Kitty’s voice was soft and remorseful. 

“I’m glad we understand each other,” my resolve faltered, so I added quickly, “Then you may th..thank me.”

Kitty made to look up before remembering herself and cast her eyes down again.

“Thank you for punishing me, Miss.” 

She said it so earnestly it broke my heart, and then curtseyed again. 

I yanked her into my arms and held her tight. 

She held on just as firmly, laying her head on my shoulder. 

She began to sob again. 

“My darling, darling girl,” I repeated and she cried more. 

My own tears, along with the hurt, and the pride, burst right along with her. 

“My Mistress,” she whispered and held tighter still.

I hadn’t realised I had dropped the cane by my feet and didn’t know how long we stood like that. 

I finally, and very gently, peeled myself away but kept close, shifting around to her side to face the same way.

“Come with me, Kitty.”

“Yes please, Miss,” she lay her head on my shoulder again.

I led her into the bedroom and had her stand by the bed. 

I carefully slid out of her embrace and began to undress her.

I tried to make every movement as soft and deliberate as possible. 

Finally, I gingerly peeled off her panties, mindful to first pull them away from her backside before rolling them over her thighs and knees. 

As I came up, I noticed her heavy-lidded eyes following me, exhausted. 

I stood and caressed her cheek. 

She leaned into my touch. 

I marvelled at the soft expression of her beautiful face, serene and worry free. 

I curled her hair behind her ear and guided her to lie on the bed. 

She lay on her side and looked up at me. 

I undressed and draped our clothes over the chair by the vanity. 

When I was naked, I stood before her, looking down at her looking up at me. 

She truly was a vision. 

We just looked at each other, the moment feeling somehow perfect. 

Kitty parted her dry lips.

“I love you, Miss.”