Chapter 10

Kitty

I’d never ridden around London that way. It was wild. The wind whipping past. And clutching onto my new Dominant for dear life. All whilst trying to sit so my tawsed arse didn’t bounce around on the sorest parts. 

We rode through the now more familiar parts of Shoreditch and Old Street, and it occurred that I had absolutely no idea where we were going or where Astrid worked. I presumed an office in the City or maybe the West End. 

“Where are we going, Miss?!” I shouted against the wind.

“Wha-?! It’s t-- lou-”

I didn’t try again and instead leaned into her back. 

We puttered into Soho and slowed on a narrow side street. Astrid pulled us to a stop in front of a series of narrow dirt-greyed storefronts with bright yellow and orange shingles hanging out front. 

She kicked out the stand and hopped off. 

“This is me,” she swung her arm grandly in the direction of a chipped door which featured a sign that read Direct Despatch and underneath, Your Packages, Quick, Courteous and Carefully Delivered. I noted the alliteration didn’t seem to quite scan. 

Astrid pointed at my head. 

“Oh, yes,” I took the helmet off gratefully and handed it to her, “Is this your office, Miss?”

“Well, sort of,” she turned to look at the door, ”I start here every day at least, but then I get my first deliveries and spend the day zooming around on Ruby here.”

Astrid slapped the seat of the scooter and grinned. 

I tried to take it all in. 

She was a courier? 

From the way she dressed, I assumed she was an executive of some kind. And her short heeled shoes were hardly of the biker variety. 

“Ah…” I struggled to regain my composure. 

“Ruby is a lovely name for a lovely scooter,” I tried to mask my confusion, “Sorry… I mean, Miss.”

“We’re in public,” Astrid stepped close and stroked the lapels of my coat, “You don’t have to address me that way here, unless you want to.”

“Oh yes, of course,” I was still rattled, “Alright.”

“But I am going to kiss you now if you don’t mind?” she asked sweetly, “We are in gayest Soho after all.”

I chuckled stiffly and nodded. 

She closed the distance between us and kissed me. 

It was loving and warm, and my body melted. 

Her hand stroked the back of my head before she pulled away. 

“We’d best stop before I decide to call in sick and take you home again.”

“Astrid!” a below came from behind us. 

We both swivelled to see a very cheerful looking butch in bike shorts and a windbreaker strolling out of the Despatch Centre, waving at us. 

“Oh shit,” Astrid cursed under her breath, before calling back loudly, “Hey there, Lee.”

“Soooooo,” presumably-Lee purred as she wandered up with a pair of cardboard boxes in hand, 

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

“Lee, this is Kitty, who was just about to head off,” Astrid gestured between us, “And Kitty, this is Lee, who is going to mind her own business.”

“Alright, alright,” Lee mocked offence with a cheesy grin, “Only trying to be friendly.”

“Nice t’meet you Kitty,” she winked before walking to a mountain bike leant against a railing, 

“Don’t let that one take advantage of you, or if you do… well, enjoy yourself.”

Lee quickly packed her saddle bags and straddled her bike to ride off down the alley. 

“She seemed nice,” I tried. 

We both laughed, my tension easing.

“She is,” Astrid smiled, “but my god she’s nosy. I’m sure any minute my phone is going to ring…” 

And just as she said that, her mobile did ring. She pulled it out and showed me the name on the screen, “Lee.”

“She is going to be relentless about this,” Astrid shook her head.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Well, then be sure to tell her all the scandalous details of our whirlwind romance. Drinking champagne until the wee hours at The Ivy before running amuck at The Groucho.”

“Will do,” Astrid laughed but seemed confused. 

We stood looking at each other awkwardly for a moment.

“I really should head out. Will you be alright getting home?” Astrid asked as she pulled out a hands-free kit for her phone and put in the earphones. 

“Sure,” I nodded.

“Then have a good afternoon, darling Kitty,” she smiled broader still, laying her arms on my shoulders for one more kiss, “I’ll see you Friday early at your place, to meet the in-laws?”

“Yes, Miss,” I answered, earning myself another kiss, before she turned and disappeared through the door of the Despatch Centre. 

I looked around and considered what to do and where to go. 

I had plenty of work at home and at the Department, but this had been another wild couple of days. I had meant what I said to Astrid, that our romance had been whirlwind. 

I walked back the way we came as I considered that. It had indeed been whirlwind, even just yesterday. Signing the contract, getting thrashed, yes/no/maybe lists. That was the whirlwind part. But the romance bit? 

Was it just sex? 

I walked out onto Dean Street and into Soho proper. 

Was it romantic? 

It was hard to parse. 

The attraction was intense and I wanted to be with her all the time. 

She made me feel amazing, free, like myself but also evolving. 

And we had just negotiated a form of marriage. 

But despite that I had no idea if what we had was ’romantic.’ 

The uncertainty unsettled me. Or was it finding out what she did for a living? 

I’d created an image of Astrid in my mind, of who she was and how she worked when I wasn’t with her. I had thought her a manager at some kind of firm, a bank maybe? I had simply not asked her what she did for a living. 

Had I been so absorbed in what we were doing that I hadn’t even bothered to find out some of the most basic things about her? 

The uncomfortable answer seemed to simply be ’yes.’

I walked down the Charing Cross Road and found myself in my favourite of its many giant bookstores, going up the escalator to the convenient coffee shop inside. Some part of me was shocked I had walked past all the beautiful little cafés in Soho to end up in a chain bookstore for tea. But I needed neutral ground and the store was comforting in its sterility. 

It was also where I came to read any books I couldn’t get from the University library and didn’t quite feel like paying for. 

In my mind, the cost of the Earl Grey functioned as my library card fee.

I ordered and sat down, wincing from my sore arse as I did. 

I sipped the tea and looked out the large windows onto the cars and foot traffic below. 

I was shaken. 

It must be because I had just entered into a committed relationship with someone I had managed to not even ask what she did for a living.

Was it that, I was feeling so odd about?

I nursed the warm tea. 

Was I regretting it?

I shifted in my seat and felt the ache of the whipping from the night before which oddly confirmed that, no, I wasn’t regretting it. 

The previous couple weeks had been amazing. 

Whatever this was, the desire to submit, the ’letting go’ as Astrid called it, had freed me to write and work with greater ease and confidence. 

I had managed to get my chapter in and had already started the next. I had stayed up late, working furiously for several nights. It had been exhausting certainly, Astrid wasn’t wrong about that. 

So, it wasn’t the kink, it wasn’t the spanking, or the obedience. It certainly wasn’t the sex, and nor was it Astrid herself. 

In fact, just thinking about her, a warmth spread across my chest. 

I caught myself grinning like an idiot at the thought of her. 

Clearly, I was smitten.

I sighed and finished the tea that had gone cold whilst I mused. 

It must just be the novelty of it, the newness and the speed with which we had gotten together. 

I still had no real idea what BDSM actually was, apart from what we were doing. It suddenly occurred I had joined a community I knew very little about. 

I looked around and considered whether my faithful ’other-library’ might be able to help me out. As a perpetual student, my first instinct was always to find out if there was a book on something I didn’t know about. 

I wandered through the stacks, looking for non-fiction and found my old faithful LGBT section, well populated with editions I had borrowed on many occasions. 

I searched nearby and finally found a promising shelf high up and to one side. I could just make out the label poking out reading ’Other, Erotica.’ 

What I was looking for could certainly be considered ‘other erotica.’

I reached up, feeling suddenly quite embarrassed. I looked around and was relieved to see I was alone. I went back to my perusal, wondering if there was anything that could be useful as a kink for beginners book. I flicked through a couple of ’encyclopaedias of unusual sex practices,’ and a bunch of fantasy erotica stories. None of which was helpful, and some even quite intimidating. 

Couldn’t there be a ’how to be a good submissive lesbian, who has just found out about kink and landed herself right in it,’ guide?

I was about to give up when I stumbled on Bondage on a Budget. I was struck by its adorable pastel cover, unusual in the sea of black ominous looking ones. The illustration on the front was of a pink frilly apron with several kitchen utensils spilling out of the pockets. It made me laugh and wonder what they could all be used for; something the back of the book promised to elucidate on in explicit detail within its pages. 

Sitting next to it on the shelf was The Bottoming Book, and as much as it looked like it might have been useful, I was starting to feel shy again. 

It occurred that whatever I might pick out, I would have to either read openly in the café, or take to the counter to buy. 

I imagined if Astrid was there, she would no doubt have trotted up to the desk with an armful of these things and be fine. 

Then again, she probably didn’t need them.  

Feeling properly uncomfortable, I placed the books back reluctantly and headed home. 

I spent the time on the tube considering that all I really knew about BDSM was innuendo. 

What did this all mean about me, now that I was living the innuendo? 

I jogged from the tube to my building so as to not get soaked by the rain which had started chucking it down. 

I shook and stamped up the stairs in the vain attempt to get rid of the deluge I had collected before stepping in the front door and hanging up my scarf and dripping coat. 

I wondered how Astrid was doing in the pouring rain, driving around all day. 

It must be really shitty. 

I walked into the kitchen wondering why she had taken the job in that case.

“What’cha, Kitty,” Jane called out. 

I hadn’t seen her as I came in, sitting at the table, her suit jacket hung over the chair back and her shirt sleeves rolled up, a spread of medical textbooks and what looked like several different mugs of coffee sat in front of her. 

“Oh, hi… sorry, miles away,” I muttered and walked into the kitchen proper, “How… err… how are you doing?”. 

“What’s that?” Jane pointed a finger at my chest.

“What?” I looked down, wondering if I had spilled something. 

The pinch of my collar as I angled my head down made it obvious what Jane had seen.

Oh, shit!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

“Um…” I frantically tried to think of something remotely plausible to say, but my brain had evacuated in terror. 

“That’s the collar we got from Mrs Jenkins’, isn’t it?” 

“Ah… um… yes?” I failed to concoct anything that would belie the obvious truth. 

“And you just came from Astrid’s?” she deduced, wide-eyed. 

I could almost hear the clicking of connections being made in her mind. 

“Umm… well…,” my cheeks burned. 

“That’s why you wouldn’t take off your coat the other night when you came in!” she shouted with the grin of a woman who knew she was right. 

“Shhh! Please!” I implored, closing the distance between us quickly. 

Jane looked confused. 

“Are you embarrassed?” 

“Well, I… I suppose,” I shrugged in defeat, wanting to cry, “Bugger, I don’t know.” 

Jane looked at me, inscrutable. 

I held my breath. 

Finally, she shook her head.

“Kitty, just sit down and tell me,” she instructed but not unkindly, “No-one’s in, you don’t need to worry.”

I nodded gratefully and shifted the chair out from under the table, sat, and sharply sucked in my breath.

“Are you okay?” Jane looked concerned.

“Ah…” I tried to get comfortable on the hard wooden chair, “Yeah… just…”

I considered trying to make something up, but looking at Jane, it seemed that just wasn’t going to work, so went with, “Sore.”

She burst out laughing. 

It wasn’t the response I had been expecting and I stared at her in shock. My brain wasn’t able to manage the competing emotions of the moment. Curiously, indignancy won out. 

“Hey!” I tried to interject and Jane covered her mouth as she continued to giggle. 

I glared at her, unamused, and at least for the moment, the terror forgotten.

“Sorry,” she managed between titters, “It just struck me as funny.”

I continued to glare and she managed to calm. 

“Okay, so I take it, you and Astrid?”

“Yes,” I answered, unconsciously reaching for the collar ring. 

“And you’ve been doing the kinky thing?” she asked plainly.

“Jane!”

“Hey, I’m just asking… I’m a little surprised, is all,” she raised her hands in defence.

“Okay,” I answered, anxiety starting to set in again, “I guess… so was I.”

“You were surprised it happened?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I suppose… Well, maybe” I failed to elaborate, “I really didn’t think I would… We would. That is, we were having a great time, and then well, I was curious…”

“So, you asked her?”

“Yeah,” I confessed, dropping my head, “I did.”

It felt like Jane’s gaze was boring into me and tears threatened.

“Kitty, don’t be embarrassed,” she said kindly, reaching a hand forward to touch mine, “It’s really alright.”

I looked up, and a couple tears tumbled.

“Fuck. You were really worried, weren’t you?”

“I hadn’t realised I was,” I lowered my head again, feeling absurdly ashamed for feeling ashamed. 

“It’s okay. Really.”

Jane stroked my hand and the lump in my throat eased slightly. 

“I was the one who dragged you to that place,” she continued, “And… well, got rightly seen to, to boot.”

I looked up at her and couldn’t help smiling.

“I remember.”

“I hope everyone there does,” Jane smirked, “We put on one hell of a show.” 

I laughed. 

Jane gripped my hand. 

“Tell me about her,” she said in such a sweet way, my heart melted. 

I told her everything. The experience in Richmond Park, how it was to go back to Loose Lips, the spanking after… Though that last part had been really hard to start to explain. 

“So, she smacks your bottom?”

“Um… yes,” I admitted, embarrassed again, “but she asked me not to call it that.”

“Okay,” she considered, “And it feels nice?”

“No,” I answered quickly, “It bloody hurts… But then, well, I feel really good after. Like I… I can let go and be calmer.”

“So, she’s done it more than once?” she asked, and then gasped, “Oh! That’s why you’re sitting funny! Sore… I get it!”

I must have turned bright red as she pointed at me, wide-eyed, in revelation. 

“Um, sorry,” she lowered her finger. 

“Ah… no,” I spluttered, “Well… actually, yes.”

She looked at me with what seemed like empathy. It was hard to tell. 

“She must smack you hard then?” she asked after a pause, “To make you squirm like that.”

I blushed brighter still and nodded. 

“Let’s take a look then,” she ordered promptly and stood, “Up you get, trousers down.”

“Jane!” I nearly screamed, “I’m fucking not showing you my arse!”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen it before,” she was resolute, and already walking around the table toward me, “Now, come on, show your doctor the damage. I want to make sure you’re alright.”

I glared at her, “I’m fine.”

She stood, immovable, looking at me, hands on her hips. I tried to stare back, but I could never really deny her. And besides, I became a little concerned too. 

I trusted Astrid and I didn’t feel damaged. 

But what if it wasn’t alright? 

I had been sore all day after all. 

“Okay…” I conceded, stood slowly, and looked around, “Right here?”

“Yes,” she answered unwaveringly.

I shook my head and unbuttoned my trousers. After a pause, wondering what the hell I was doing, I pulled them down together with my pants. 

Jane shifted behind me for a moment, until she suddenly slapped me on the back.

“You’re fine!” she concluded promptly and started back to her seat, “Quit squirming like a baby.”

I stared at her in shock. 

She sat down and only then did I remember to pull my trousers back up. 

She was clearly suppressing a giggle again but then smiled kindly. 

“Sorry for asking to look. I honestly wanted to make sure. But it’s just some bruising in very safe areas. She clearly knows what she’s doing.”

I sat down, trying not to wince and squirm.

“Look,” she leaned forward, “I can’t say I would want to… Well, maybe kind of little when Tara…”

She paused, “But that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is, if it makes you feel good, then why not?”

“Thank you, Jane,” I answered simply.

“You’re welcome… Now,” she considered her mugs before picking one according to some unknown standard, “Are you two like a thing now?”

I laughed, the tension releasing but as I shifted in my seat I winced again. Which made Jane laugh too. 

“Well,” I said, “Yes, I guess we are.”

She looked at me questioningly. 

“She’s…” I started and then considered if I should tell her. 

Bugger it. She’d heard the worst of it already

“She’s my Dominant.”

Jane’s expression remained unchanged. 

“Which means…” I said, “She’s kind of the boss of me.”

Jane’s face cracked. 

“Someone’s finally going to take you in hand?”

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”

She looked at me sidelong, with a raised eyebrow.

“Have you seen the way you live? Fuck, I hope she makes you clean your room and eat right.”

“Actually…”

“Wait, she’s really going to make you do that?!”

“Well, the ‘eat right’ bit,” I laughed, “She said I have to take better care of myself. So, she ordered me to.”

“I like this girl,” Jane mused. 

“Well, you’ll get to meet her again soon. I invited her over Friday, before we… uh… well, go to Loose Lips again.”

Jane grinned ear to ear.

“Ooooo, lovely!” she clapped her hands, “I’ll make us dinner. Is she vegetarian?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, embarrassed. 

“She’s the boss and you don’t know that?” Jane admonished, “I’m going to have to have a word with her…”

“Don’t you dare!” I screeched and we both laughed.

“I’ll make something vegetarian just to be safe,” she started to plan, “and you’ll find out these key details for me in the meantime.”

“Yes ma’am,” I answered with a salute.

“Good,” she shoved her anatomy textbook aside and started to make a shopping list. 

“Oh…,” she looked up, “Do you have to call her ma’am now? Or Mistress or something?”

I stared at her, mortified. 

“Oh, you do!” she gasped, wide-eyed again. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

”You rotter!” she glared but then smiled and started writing again.

“And besides, I don’t have to say it when we’re in public,” I added with a sly smile of my own.

“Oh, you little shit!” Jane slammed down her pen and screamed with a huge grin and wild eyes, “You tell me this instant what it is!”

Astrid

After work, Kitty called to tell me what time I could come over on Friday and also that she had come out to one of her flatmates. Apparently by accident, but nonetheless it had gone well. 

I kept to myself the thought that wearing her collar into the house might have been her way of trying to tell everyone without having to start the conversation. 

I was proud of her regardless. It sounded like she had good people in her life. 

“Are they alright with an early dinner?” I asked, “I spoke with Rash and she wants me there to open, but it does also mean we only handle the bar for the first part of the evening.” 

There was some muffled yelling back and forth. 

“Jane says sure thing,” Kitty’s voice was clear again. 

“Tell her thank you from me,” I said, which led to more muffled yelling.

“Jane says you’re very welcome,” Kitty returned and then added more quietly, “She’s kind of obsessed with meeting you again.”

“Well, I’m looking forward to it too,” I replied, and then feeling a little mean, “You could say I’ll show her my collection of canes, restraints, and nipple clamps if you like?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t, Miss!” came the startled response and I laughed. 

Muffled yelling and laughter followed from the other end of the phone. 

“Kitty, are you still there?”

“Yes, sorry Miss,” Kitty came back after more shuffling of the receiver, “I had been withholding your title from Jane, and she just overheard it, which led to… discussion.”

“I hope she approves?”

“She hopes you will make me use it all the time you are here and I was telling her off.”

“Now there’s a thought,” I laughed.

“Please, Miss,” Kitty implored.

“I promised I wouldn’t, darling girl,” I said more seriously, “I don’t want to make you ever embarrassed to use my title. I want you to say it freely and I want you to say it proudly.”

The phone was quiet. 

“Kitty?”

“Sorry… I just thought that was really beautiful. And kind of makes me want to say it all the time.”

“I’m really happy to hear that. But you know… do what feels right.”

Another pause.

“Thank you, Miss,” she said and then admitted, “I don’t know what the others will think. I mean, I hope they will be as cool as Jane. There’s no reason to think they won’t be. Jane offered to tell them for me. I’m torn about whether I should let her, or if I should do it.”

“Do what feels right,” I repeated.

“That’s not the most helpful, Miss,” Kitty said and I couldn’t help laughing again.

“Well, you keep calling me Miss at home and you won’t have to worry about them finding out,” I said, “But honestly, you know them best. It sounds like Jane would do right by you, but you might also want to tell them yourself, so you can see how they are.”

“That makes sense.”

“And if you want, you could have Jane there with you, but either way, my suggestion is you do it soon so it doesn’t prey on your mind.”

“Must I, Miss?” she answered, a little petulantly.

“I could make it an order, if it would help?”

“No,” Kitty sighed, “I know you’re right. I’ll do it tonight.”

“Sounds good and Kitty, you’re doing really well.”

Silence again. 

“Thank you, Miss, I’m really happy you feel that way.”

“I do,” I smiled, “Now off with you and let me know how you go with the others.”

The next day Kitty called to say it had gone well. Lots of questions, and some she hadn’t been prepared to answer. Mostly about the nature of kink and being part of the community. I promised to continue our lessons and add kink cultural studies to the curriculum. 

Work was a grind that Friday and I tried to get it over with as quickly as possible. This time, I planned my outfit the night before so I could rush to Kitty’s in corset, blouse and skirt, and a bag for ‘Lips. 

Despite the tight scheduling, I managed to make it to her place a few minutes early anyway. 

The door was opened by a pale clean-shaved man in a white open collared shirt, beige trousers, and a fitted suit jacket. I noticed gently frosted blond hair, light eyeshadow, and mascara on lashes to die for. 

“You must be Astrid,” he said brightly as he ushered me in the door and offered to take my coat. 

I accepted gratefully and watched him hang it carefully by the door. 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” he said as he led the way, “I’ve heard so much about you. But I had not been informed about what a snappy dresser you are. You must tell me where you shop?”

“All Oxfam-chic, I assure you.”

“Oh goodness!” he seemed quite scandalised as we entered the kitchen, which seemed tidier than last I saw it. 

Instead of clutter and dirty dishes, the table was made out with plates and cutlery, matching wine glasses, and a large salad bowl. 

“Hi!” Kitty called over from the stove, holding what looked like bread trays with oven mitts, “Sorry 

I didn’t meet you at the door, I kind of had my hands full.”

“It’s fine, Andy was a perfect gentleman.”

“Fine,” he remarked grumpily as he went to the fridge, “ruin my reputation.”

I recognised Jane in her aproned red dress and impeccable make-up. 

“Welcome!” she beamed as she came around the kitchen table, removed her own oven mitts and reached for an embrace, “I’m Jane, we met briefly already.”

I hugged her and smiled.

“I remember an exchange over breakfast the morning after the night before,” I said.

“That would be me!” she stepped back and motioned to a chair, “Come, sit, we’re almost ready. We would have been done by now but Kitty’s crap in the kitchen.”

“Hey!” Kitty protested and I had to laugh. 

“Ignore her,” Jane waved at Kitty, “And Tara will be out soon. She has some assignment to finish.” 

“I’m here!” came a call from down the corridor. A woman, I presumed Tara, wandered into the kitchen. Standing taller than Jane, she wore a polo shirt, beige trousers, white socks, and no shoes, her hair razored short. 

“Oh, fuck Tara!” Jane chided, “I said we were having dinner, you couldn’t have dressed a little?”

“I will have you know, this is the cleanest of my shirts,” Tara replied in a playful drawl and walked over to shake my hand, “Hi, I’m Tara. You must have a seat. I’m sure my darling dear hasn’t even offered you a glass of wine yet.”

Jane glared at Tara, returned to the table, and picked up her mitts before asking, “Red or white, Astrid?” 

“Oh, I’m not drinking tonight, I never do before going to ‘Lips,” I answered automatically, realising too late I was sharing something perhaps too personal. I also realised I was mildly shocked they would just have two different bottles of wine ready open.

Kitty came to my side and handed me a wine glass with something orange and bubbly in it. 

“It’s an orange fizz, no alcohol.” 

I stroked her cheek. 

Kitty smiled and went back to the stove top. 

I turned to Jane looking at me with delight. I think I mumbled something awkward as I sat down and was quickly joined by Andy.

“I like to let the women folk do the cooking,” he waved at the others finishing up dishes.

“Fuck you Andy,” Tara laughed, “As if this isn’t your cream of mushroom soup you’ve been fussing over all afternoon.”

“You can’t get good help these days,” Andy said loudly as he turned to me, “It’s shocking, really.”

I found myself off-guard to his camp ribbing. I assumed it was good-natured, but it had a bite. 

I turned my attention to the dinner spread, so much more extravagant than I was used to. 

I noted a soup bowl in the middle of a dinner plate at each setting, and a whole series of cutlery 

besides. 

I hadn’t been brought up with any of this, but figured I could muddle what most of it was for. I counted at least three courses ahead of us. 

“This is all very impressive,” I said, ”I hope this wasn’t all on my account.”

Jane placed a large serving pot on a wooden underlay next to the salad bowl at the centre of the table, “We wanted to make a good impression for Kitty. But we do this sometimes. A bit less often now that everyone is silly busy.”

Kitty sat down next to me and laid a hand in mine. She was wearing an off-the-shoulder black top. It didn’t strike me as something she might have been naturally drawn to.

Kitty had paired it with neat black suit trousers, which made me wonder if she had the jacket to match.

“Would you like some soup?” she asked as I looked her over. 

“Please,” I gave her hand a squeeze. 

She stood to get the ladle and pour some out for me as Jane and Tara sat. 

“Save room for curry,” Jane warned before motioning to me, “I didn’t make it too hot because I wasn’t sure how you would like it.”

“That’s very kind of you,” I said as Kitty placed the bowl in front of me and returned to serve herself. 

I watched the others each take a napkin from the table and place it in their laps. 

I hadn’t even considered doing so and felt quite uncultured, so I followed suit as Kitty sat down and did the same. 

“Tell us about yourself, Astrid,” Andy asked after serving himself a large plate full. 

I tried not to slurp and lowered my spoon.

“Ah, well… I live in Dalston. Have done since I was a teenager. In a fabulous co-op of queers…” I was surprised how shy I felt. 

They were all listening intently.

“Anyway, yeah… um… not sure there’s much to say,” I concluded, very much wanting to move the subject off me, “Kitty’s told me about all of you.”

“Oh, she has, has she?” Jane leaned in, “I had to drag details about you out of her. It’s a good thing she trotted in wearing that collar of hers otherwise I might never have known much about the two of you.”

I was taken aback but tried not to show it. 

Nothing she was saying was wrong, but I felt interrogated all the same. 

“Sorry,” Jane seemed to notice the impact of her words, “I’m a fucking loud mouth, my mother always told me off for that.”

“No, it’s alright,” I looked at Kitty, who seemed to be trying to manage her own discomfort. 

“I guess, I’m not really used to this whole meeting the family thing,” I admitted, “The dating circles I run in, everyone knows everyone else. It’s been some time since I was with someone outside of that.”

I looked at Kitty, to see if what I was saying was alright. She smiled stiffly. Perhaps because I mentioned my past? Or just the whole dinner situation?

The table was silent, as if they were all still waiting for me to say something.

“Look… um… I know you all know who I am to Kitty, and I was worried I might be walking into something really awkward. I’m sorry about that. It’s just I didn’t know you. Despite all the lovely things Kitty has told me.”

I stopped talking and there was silence again.

“I understand,” Tara spoke for the first time since sitting down, “I think I can say for all of us, we will do our best not to ask stupid questions or be really intrusive. We care about Kitty and we wanted to meet her new person. She’s been so happy the last couple weeks, and it’s really good to see.”

Tara’s gentle manner and obvious kindness touched me.

Jane reached a loving hand to pat Tara’s and Andy nodded agreement. 

I turned to Kitty again.

“You are all so sweet. I’m not quite sure what to say.”

“Well, how about if you want seconds?” Jane asked and got up, prepared to ladle. 

The three-course meal proceeded, Andy’s soup and Jane’s curry (her grandmother’s rasam masala, she insisted) was finished with Tara’s desert, consisting of a delicate chocolate mousse with cream on the top. 

It was delicious. 

The conversation was lively but eventually veered into academic intrigue that was beyond me. 

I couldn’t keep up, so instead focused on the food. 

Kitty eventually noticed and redirected the conversation to queer nightlife in the city, which would have been fine but most of them admitted to rarely going out. 

“Well, unlike my dear sisters here, I have managed to get around and about,” Andy insisted, “but mostly The Black Cap in Camden to do drag.”

“I would love to see you,” I tried to imagine Andy in his finery.

“Oh, I provide a glorious show,” he spread his arms dramatically, “When I can get away from art history…”

“To tell the truth, the only club I see the inside of regularly is ‘Lips, and I tend bar there,” I admitted, “But tonight I managed to score a little time off.” 

“Very nice,” Jane waggled her eyebrows.

“And we should probably get going soon,” Kitty interjected diplomatically, perhaps to avoid questions about what we might do with that time off. 

“Yes we should,” I agreed eagerly.

“I just need to get a few things, if you want to wait here?” Kitty stood and gave me a quick kiss before hurrying into her room.

Sitting alone with the others, I felt stiff again.

“Thank you so much for the meal. It was delicious.”

“It was our pleasure to meet you,” Tara answered and I looked around at Jane and Andy. 

Jane clearly wanted to ask something, but was holding back whilst Andy seemed bored, staring out the window. 

Kitty returned, wearing my collar and carrying a thicker coat than the one I had seen her wearing earlier in the week. 

“I didn’t forget,” she held it up.

“Good girl,” I said and was immediately mortified I had, so quickly motioned to the door, “Shall we?”

She nodded, either undisturbed or hiding it well. 

Andy and Tara seemed not to have picked up on my slip, but Jane clearly had. 

I tried to ignore her burning curiosity, and instead stood and said my goodbyes. 

As Kitty and I exited to the street, I stopped her, “I’m really sorry about calling you a good girl in front of everyone, that wasn’t alright.”

“It’s okay,” she smiled and seemed genuine. 

“Okay… I’m glad,” I started walking with her towards the tube, “But really, I don’t want to do that in places where it would be uncomfortable.”

“I honestly don’t think any of them noticed,” she placed her arm in the crook of mine. 

“Jane did.”  

“She did?”

“I just don’t want to embarrass you in front of them.”

“You didn’t,” she looked at me earnestly, “Jane is… a kind of a force unto herself. Tara acts as a storm breaker, but when Jane goes off, she can be intense. I think she really wants to know about our relationship.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“It comes from a place of love,” Kitty said looking down in a way that suggested it was both welcome and not, “She really was looking out for me the other day when I outed myself to her. But she also had twenty questions about every little thing. I answered a few but not all.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?” I surprised myself.

Kitty was silent as we boarded the tube.

“If you want to?” she said as we sat, “I think it would satisfy her curiosity, prurient as it might be. But I believe what Tara said about them not wanting to make you, us, uncomfortable.”

I nodded, reflecting again on how long it had been since I was in any kind of relationship, let alone with someone who didn’t have a kink background or wasn’t out about it. 

That’s what must have caused my lingering sense of discomfort. 

They had all been very kind after all. 

“Maybe I will then,” I said, “But not tonight. I have other plans.” 

Kitty stared at me wide-eyed.

“As bar wench and wench’s wench,” I smiled at her and felt lighter, “And I have picked something out from your list we can do as a special treat after the bar-work is done.”

She looked nervous.

“I thought you said you didn’t play at Loose Lips, Miss?” 

I noted the sudden appearance of my title again. 

“I think I said that I don’t play there often,” I corrected, “And besides, you ticked ‘exhibitionism’ on your list, so I thought it might be a nice opportunity to try that.”

Kitty swallowed hard.