Chapter 1

Kitty

Jane was visibly thrilled as I followed her and Tara down the stone stairs. I had no idea what to expect at the bottom of them. Perhaps a grande set of closet doors, pushed aside to reveal a bountiful garden, bright and wild, full of kinky people doing whatever it is they do. Instead, we were met by a concrete-floored basement which, in contrast to my flights of fancy, felt more like a small well-attended pub than a mystical land of iniquity.

Groups of chattering people sat at tall tables lit by candles held in old bottles. The bar itself was a worn countertop preceded by mismatched bar stools.  

The would-be pub seemed to make up only part of the larger room. The rest of which was obscured by an imposing dark red stage-curtain spanning the width of the space, hung from a long ceiling runner. 

Jane, Tara, and I might have looked like visitors from outer space, standing in the entrance gawking in stunned wonderment. 

“Let’s go in,” Jane snapped Tara and I out of our trance. 

The smell of sweet drinks and stale air struck me as we stepped into the basement proper. A steady thrum of music played through speakers set on mounts bored into the brick walls. To my surprise, it wasn’t as loud as in the few night clubs I had experience of. Instead of the sound trying to knock my brains out with treble and bass, this might have been considered sedate, if it wasn’t Rage Against the Machine being played at low volume. 

“Hi again,” Penny startled me with her sudden appearance behind us. 

“Oh sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” she apologised, “It’s quiet up there and I figured you might like a tour, since it’s your first time?”

I would have much rather taken everything at my own pace, but Jane enthusiastically accepted for all of us with a hearty, “Yes, very please!”

“Wonderful! Follow me,” Penny grinned as she gestured forward with her whole hand in a way I’d only ever seen tour-guides do, “This is our bar, which I guess is pretty obvious.”

Penny laughed at herself and I was charmed by her gregariousness. I started to look at the space differently and realised it was genuinely cosy. Many of the attendees were laughing, most dressed in what looked like comfortable, if revealing, black outfits. 

“The bar doesn’t serve alcohol, as we don’t like to mix that with play here,” Penny explained as we strolled between the tables, “Is this your first time in a BDSM club?”

“Yes, for all of us,” Jane replied eagerly, “We live together. I mean, Tara’s my girlfriend and Kitty here is my bestie.”

“A family outing, how lovely!” Penny cheered, ”Just exploring today?” 

“Yes, but I’ve been curious for a while,” Jane answered. 

I couldn’t tell if she was lying. She’d never mentioned anything like that to me. Perhaps she was just trying to be polite. 

“In that case, I hope you find something here that tickles your fancy,” Penny winked as we came to the stage curtain, “But there’s no pressure to be involved. Just enjoy the place. Watch. Maybe meet some people.”

Penny drew the curtain aside and we were greeted by the rest of the long basement, dimly lit by stage lights hung from the ceiling and candles on different surfaces. Eclectic furniture was placed throughout at odd angles, some occupied by small clusters of people. The sweet smell of drinks from the bar morphed into the musky scent of sweat, and the cheerful chatter was replaced by giggles, moans, and slapping sounds. 

“And this is our playroom,” Penny said proudly, “Feel free to watch what’s happening or please do try something out.” 

Jane’s eyes grew wide as Tara looked around with apparent interest.

“But if you’re not sure how to use anything, just ask one of the dungeon monitors,” Penny pointed out two people standing near the back of the room, who seemed to be actively surveying the environment. The taller of the two wore a black leather waistcoat over a black sleeveless top and black leather trousers. The other was clad in a short leather dress, a similar waistcoat as her companion, but also a leather peaked cap. 

She also held a long, fierce-looking, riding crop. 

Distracted thoroughly by the pair, I missed half of what Penny said.

“...and over there is a bench which can be used for spanking, flogging, or other play,” Penny pointed to a modified vaulting horse occupied by a naked woman bent over it awaiting the attention of someone I couldn’t yet see.

“Is that a sling?” Jane gasped, pointing at a collection of leather straps and panels, arranged into an evil looking seat, hung from the ceiling in a corner of the room.

“Oh yes!” Penny gushed, “You’re welcome to use it, but like everything else, please be careful to clean it after with the supplies provided.”

Jane, her excitement clearly having reached fever pitch, turned to Tara meaningfully. 

“Want to go for a swing, darling?” Tara asked playfully.

Jane nodded vigorously. 

“Alright then,” Tara took Jane’s hand and turned to Penny, “Um… would you excuse us.” 

“But of course,” Penny laughed and made a sweeping bow towards the sling.

Tara led Jane away, who turned to look back with a guilty expression and mouthed, ’sorry.’ 

“Well, those two’re eager,” Penny smiled.

As I tried to think of any kind of suitable response, Ally from the front-desk wandered up behind us and drew Penny’s attention. After a brief whispered conversation, Penny turned back to me. 

“Sorry, I need to go back upstairs. But have a look around or have a drink in the bar, maybe?”

She seemed to realise I was feeling like a lost puppy in the room full of moaning people. 

“Here,” Penny took pity and handed me a slip of paper, “This is a drink ticket for anything you’d like at the bar. Go grab something, come back, and have a walk around.” 

“Thank you,” I was genuinely grateful for the gesture.

Penny smiled kindly and jogged back the way we came in. I quickly followed into the bar, hurt by Tara and Jane’s abandonment and feeling even more self-conscious. 

This was their idea. They’d dragged me out, insisting it would be good for me and that we would all have a good time together.

And now they were back there.

Fucking.

I had a proper sulk coming on as I looked around the bar again. It had become almost deserted. I imagined most of the patrons had moved into the playroom, as there were plenty of empty tables to choose from. Occupying one by myself felt even more pathetically lonely, so I opted to sit at the bar and use Penny’s generously provided token. 

As I made my way, I noticed the bartender for the first time. She seemed at once out of place and yet entirely at home. It might have been the way she was dressed. Contrary to the almost universal black outfits of everyone else I’d seen, she wore an ivory blouse with a big matching bow tied at the collar. Over that, a dark red studded corset cinched her waist, steel buckles binding the closure at the front. It all complimented a very strict-looking black pencil skirt which to my surprise did not seem to be made of leather. 

As I walked up to the bar, she raised her head from her work to look right back at me. 

I might have blushed again. 

“Hi,” I said meekly.

“Why, hello there,” she replied with an easy smile. 

Her face reminded me of glamour photos from the 40s and 50s. Perhaps because of the way her soft sandy features were given angles by expertly applied rouge, dark red lipstick, and subtle eyeliner. It might have also been the way she wore her hair in a semi-ornate sweeping arrangement, not quite as severe as hairstyles from those decades but clearly inspired by the aesthetic. Her light-brown hair accentuated large hazel eyes and it was those eyes that disarmed me. They were piercing, looking right into me, but also warm and inviting. 

I couldn’t hold her gaze for fear I would thoroughly embarrass myself.

“Um… I have this ticket?”

“Oh, yes?” she lowered her attention briefly from me to the paper in my hand, “What’s your pleasure?”

I was struck by the elegance of the question and smiled, “What do you recommend?”

“Hmmmm, you’re new here, right?” she gave me a side-long glance. 

I tried not to feel like I was being measured for something, “Is it that obvious?”

“Well,” she chuckled, “Yes. But that’s not a bad thing.”

She paused and gave me a sweet smile, “Tell you what. Hold onto the ticket for now and I’ll start you off with a special something in honour of your first time with us.”

I had to admit, I was charmed and managed to relax a little.

“Alright, then,” I sat on the middle stool in front of the bar. 

“Alright, then indeed,” she mimicked and lifted a pair of bottles and a shaker from under the counter, “A Virgin Mary it is for the newcomer, whose name is?”

“Virgin Mary?” I was confused by her question, but then burst out laughing, “Un, no, not that, sorry.”

“The Virgin Mary herself?” she shook her head with a broad grin, “What’re the odds? Is the drink named after you or the other way round?”

She laughed at her own joke and continued to tease gently as she mixed, “I feel like I’ve met a bonafide celebrity.”

I laughed more, and Jane and Tara’s slight faded.

“I’m Kitty,” I said, “I mean Katherine, but everyone calls me Kitty.”

“Well, hello there, Kitty,” she finished my glass, “I’m Astrid.” 

Astrid handed me the drink, poured the rest of the dark red liquid from the shaker into a second glass and stirred it with a stick of celery. Once done, she raised her drink and we clinked our glasses together and sipped. As I swallowed, I felt self-conscious again. 

“So, it’s obvious I’m a complete newb?”

Astrid set her glass on the bar gently. 

“I saw you and your friends come in with Penny,” she nodded to the stairs, “She was giving you her patented first-timer tour?” 

“She was,” I admitted

“She will do that,” Astrid noted playfully.

“Well, I can give her rave reviews. Top marks even. My friends were so enamoured with the place, they ran off to enjoy the sling immediately.”

“Oh,” Astrid’s nose creased as she took another sip, “They left you on your own?”

Astrid struck a nerve, but I tried to play it off, “Yup. They were a blur as they flew off into the back of the darkest dungeon.” 

I gestured with my arm like an aeroplane taking off. Astrid laughed, and my chest fluttered.

“Well,” she said more softly, “I’m sorry to hear that. It can be a bit intimidating the first time. It’s nice to come with friends.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “But I think I’m getting used to it. Even if I’m still the nervous new kid who doesn’t know anyone.”

“Well, now you know me,” she said sweetly. 

I tried to hide my awkwardness with another sip of the Virgin Mary, which was surprisingly zesty. 

“It’s very nice to make your acquaintance, Astrid,” I attempted and cringed at myself. Astrid looked pleased though. 

“And you, fine Kitty,” she returned with a glint in her eye and I felt that flutter again. 

Astrid took a long sip, holding my gaze. I couldn’t think of anything to say and it wasn’t because I was feeling out of my depth any more. No, it was probably because I had trouble looking Astrid in the eye. And looking at her anywhere else was also trouble. 

“This really is delicious,” I remarked of the drink, cursing again my shocking lack of suave.

“Thank you very much,” Astrid smiled, “I find they go down well.” 

She laughed loudly at herself. 

“I’m sorry,” she coughed between titters, “That sounded terrible, even for me. I swear I’m usually better than that… Not much, mind you. But better.”

“Oh, that’s more than alright,” I was charmed again, “I feel like a giant ball of weird and clearly have no way to maintain any semblance of cool. I must stick out like a sore thumb.” 

Astrid gave me a sympathetic smile. 

“You really don’t,” she encouraged, “Actually… sorry, yes, you do. But only because it’s a pretty small community and…”

“What?”

“Your collar.”

Astrid lifted a gentle finger and pointed to my neck. 

I raised my hand to my throat, “Did I do it wrong?”

Astrid gave me the sweetest smile yet; a mixture of mirth but not cruelty, and a definite kindness.

”Usually the ring goes at the front.” 

Astrid circled her finger in a spinning motion.

“Oh,” I was genuinely embarrassed. Like I’d misbehaved. 

“Don’t feel bad,” Astrid laid a hand on mine. 

I felt a jolt at her touch and a catch in my throat. I glanced up. She was looking into me again. 

“It’s not something you’d know,” she perhaps realised my overblown reaction to the faux pas, “I could fix it for you, if you like?”

With that, even clueless me could figure out I was attracted to her. The second she offered to fix my collar, a prickly heat spread across my chest and up the back of my neck. 

“Yes,” I breathed, “Please.”

Her soft expression shifted in a way I couldn’t quite read as she told me to, “Lean forward.”

I stood and lifted myself over the bar. Astrid raised her hands and tilted her head to one side. For a moment I thought she would kiss me but she looked for the back of my neck instead and reached for the collar around it.

“I promise to be gentle,” she whispered next to my ear as she slid the leather round with light fingers. 

My knees would have buckled if I hadn’t been holding onto the bar. 

“All done,” Astrid pronounced in the same silken tone, caressing the steel ring laid to rest between my clavicles, before leaning back. I exhaled shakily, hoping she hadn’t noticed me do so. 

I sat and raised my hand to touch the ring. It felt cool and warm in different places. 

“Thank you,” I exhaled.

Astrid smiled warmly, but that edge in her expression remained. 

“You are welcome, Kitty,” she said in a way that felt oddly formal but also loaded with meaning.

I laughed nervously and went for my glass only to realise it was empty. 

“We need a top up,” Astrid noted. 

She paused and smiled cheekily, “So, are we still a virgin? Or have we popped our cherry enough for something a bit more adventurous?”

I laughed and so did she. 

“They aren’t getting any better, are they?” Astrid remarked on her own joke.

“I don’t know, I think that one was better,” I smiled and after a moment of mock consideration added “I think I can say I’ve been deflowered.”

Astrid chuckled and turned to face the shelf behind her. I fiddled absentmindedly with the ring at my throat as I watched her mix, my attention drawn to the corset-lacing pulled tight to make a fold in her blouse down the centre of her back. My gaze lowered to her skirt, which held her backside and thighs taught, the material only flaring at the kick-pleat. I realised too late that I was also flat-out staring at her bottom. 

Astrid certainly noticed as she turned around to see me quickly look to the side, but was kind enough not to mention it. She did, however, raise an eyebrow and I thought I detected a smirk as she finished making us both Shirley Temples, a glacé cherry placed on the top of mine.

“Nice,” I remarked of the fruit as she handed me the glass. 

“I thought so,” Astrid raised her own drink before bringing it to her lips, again looking me right in the eyes as she did.

For a moment we sipped in silence. 

What is it about the way she looked at me that put me so off-kilter?

Was it possessive?

I concluded it wasn’t. At least, not in the way I was used to from men in bars or on campus. That just made me feel icky. This, by significant contrast, was confident, calm, and smouldering. 

Our unspoken moment was broken by two sweaty people stumbling up to the bar, clearly out of breath but grinning broadly. 

Astrid shifted expression and turned to them, “What’s your pleasure?”

A pang of jealousy struck me when she asked them that and I felt immediately ridiculous for feeling that way. 

It must be something she says to everyone in the bar, I told myself as Astrid served them.

“So, Kitty,” Astrid pulled up a stool behind the bar when she was done and sat with one arm propped up on the counter, hand supporting her chin, “tell me what things you like to do for fun?”

My cheeks flushed yet again.

“Uh, well, I don’t know…” I looked around guiltily. 

“Not quite everything I say is perverted,” Astrid admonished gently with that look of mirth again, “I meant, in general.”

And that was how we talked for the rest of the evening. In between Astrid serving drinks, we sat opposite each other asking and answering ’getting to know you’ questions. I said I wasn’t entirely sure what I liked to do for fun because I spent way too much time working on my History postdoc. She professed a general lack of knowledge of the subject, but told me of her love of hiking and nature. We talked about what it was like to live in the city and be gay, sharing all too usual stories of the bullshit of everyday life and how nice it was to have a place where we could just be ourselves.

We talked right up until someone unseen turned the house lights on, the universal sign that the night was over and everyone had to go home. I was surprised when the bar suddenly brightened, having not noticed the hour nor the crowd thin. 

“I guess it’s time to shut up shop,” Astrid sighed. 

I was disappointed. 

I didn’t want our time to end. 

Astrid started to clear glasses and wipe down the bar. 

“Do you want a hand?” I found myself asking. 

Astrid looked up surprised but then happily answered, “If you like.”

“Where do you want me?”

Astrid paused, “Now, how do you expect me to answer that?”

I blushed bright red yet again and Astrid laughed, but not unkindly.

“How about you come behind the bar and help me stack the clean glasses?”

“Sure,” I answered, relieved. 

Astrid handed me a soft cloth and showed me where everything went. As I stacked, I watched a few stragglers leave the playroom and Penny enter the bar to tidy the tables. It occurred that I hadn’t seen Jane nor Tara.

“Umm… do you know where my friends went?” I asked Astrid as she finished her wipe-down.

“No, I don’t,” Astrid considered before calling out, “Penny, do you know where Kitty’s friends went?”

Penny looked up from placing chairs on tables. 

“Who’s Kitty?”

Astrid motioned to me with her towel. 

I gave a little wave.

“Oh yeah,” Penny grinned, “The new girl.”

She made it sound like I’d already joined the sorority. 

“Yeah. They left a little while ago. Oh! But they did tell me to tell their friend… Kitty, is it?” 

I nodded. 

“Yeah,” Penny confirmed, “To tell her, you that is, that they were heading home. That they didn’t want to interrupt because you looked like you were having such a good time.”

I didn’t know what to say to that and thankfully Penny kept talking.

“I’m really glad you enjoyed yourself. And your friends too,” she said cheerfully, oblivious to what had made my night so pleasant. 

We collectively continued to tidy and Penny regaled Astrid with an intrigue between someone 

called Jen and someone else called Sam. 

“It went on all night long!” Penny elaborated as she swept the floor, “Jen was taking Ashley to task on her favourite block, but I swear every time I walked into that dungeon, little-miss-likes-to-cane was casting the smoochy-eyes at Sam across the room!” 

Penny pursed ’smoochy’ lips to illustrate her point, which made Astrid chuckle.

“Anyway, don’t be surprised if Jen has Sam all tied up and tortured next week,” Penny looked to the ceiling dramatically, “Lucky Sam.”

We finished up shortly after and Astrid walked with me up to the make-shift cloakroom. Penny joined us and offered me my coat from the rail.

“If you don’t mind waiting, I can get changed and we can walk out together?” Astrid motioned to the changing room.

“Sure,” my heart skipped. 

Penny slipped downstairs as I watched Astrid collect a bag from behind the trestle-table and walk into the changing room. 

I tried to distract myself from the careening butterflies in my stomach by looking into the silhouette of the tattoo parlour. I mused how odd it was to be in a shop at night. I’d only been in them during the daytime and it occurred that I simply hadn’t considered them after-hours. 

“Um, Kitty…” Astrid startled me. I‘d missed her coming out of the changing room and couldn’t hide my reaction. 

She had changed into a crisp white shirt, black suit-jacket, and maybe a different pencil-skirt to the one she’d been wearing in the bar, her hair slightly mussed but still pinned. She was mesmerising in her office attire. 

“Kitty?” Astrid cocked her head to one side quizzically. 

I might have opened my mouth but didn’t manage to say anything. Maybe it was that the evening had finally overwhelmed me or I was just stunned into silence by my raging libido. 

Astrid paused and tilted her head to appraise me from another angle.

“Oh for fuck’s sake” she muttered and was kissing me before I knew what had happened. 

Astrid

I undressed quickly in our little changing area, which was actually the shop’s ’dirty room’ - a name for the room’s function as a place where tattoo equipment was to be cleaned rather than something fabulously kinky. 

That wasn’t to say it hadn’t lived up to its name now and then, proving popular with its sink and supply of surgical gloves. 

I wasn’t thinking about any of that though, as I took off one white blouse and started to button up a fresh one. Rather, I was wondering what the actual fuck I was going to do with Kitty now we were about to walk out of the shop together. 

Why had I asked her to stay?! I groaned mentally. What was I thinking?! 

I wasn’t thinking, that’s what.

It had just felt so damn good to flirt with her all night. But I hadn’t thought any further ahead. 

I hadn’t wanted to. 

I just wanted to enjoy the feeling. The build in tension. The desire. Not thinking any further ahead.

”Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I muttered out loud as I wriggled into my skirt. I tried to re-focus by considering whether it was silly to bring two very similar but subtly different outfits for an evening. Then again, it only felt proper to change out of work clothes. 

I shrugged on the jacket and zipped up the duffel bag, which was now full of a neatly-folded blouse, corset, and skirt, as well as my collection of unused implements, none of which had seen any kind of action in close to two years. 

I didn’t want to think why just then.  

But of course, even just the flash of a consideration of my ex was enough to make me palm-sweatingly terrified about the current Kitty situation. 

I paused at the door of the dirty room, mind spiralling. 

This is a really bad idea. I thought, Even if it was just vanilla.

I wasn’t ready for this.

No. I can’t. I won’t.

My hand was shaking on the door handle, either from fear or lust, or both. 

Committed to calling it off as gently as possible, I shook my head and walked out.

”Um Kitty…” 

I was stopped short when Kitty whirled around. 

I couldn’t say what it was that was even more irresistible about her startle. The half of her hair that wasn’t shaved had flipped when she swivelled, first showing and then hiding one of her wide brown eyes. Her lips were parted as if she had just sucked in her breath or was about to say something. 

“Kitty?” I asked, stunned by the sight. 

She didn’t answer. Her breath was heavy as she stood like a deer in headlights, one hand holding her coat by her side, the other raised delicately to her collar ring. 

She seemed so… unguarded.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” 

I was on her in two steps, cupping her face, and kissing her deeply. 

She melted as I drew her in, which just made me lean in further as her hungry tongue met my own. She tasted sweet from the drinks I’d been serving her all night and I had to fight to withdraw. But I didn’t release her as I did. Nor step back whilst I tried to re-establish some semblance of control. 

Her breath was short, her eyes narrowed, and her pupils small. I wanted to throw her onto the trestle-table, and I might have if not for some distant sensible part of my brain warning that it would almost certainly snap under even the slightest shock of weight. 

A rumble of desire from deep inside escaped me. 

Um… What shall we do now?” I tried to clear my throat. 

“Do you,” Kitty swallowed, “want to come back to mine?”

The hairs on the back of my neck rose.

“Ummm,” I stalled, my brain trying to function through stomach-churning anxiety and wanting.

“Yes,” I answered despite myself, “I would like that very much, Kitty.” 

I smiled stiffly as my hands, still holding her, trembled. 

Kitty’s cheeks flushed again in the way they had been doing so adorably all evening. I bit my lip, barely holding back from ravishing her where she stood.  

“That’s great,” she breathed.

I released one of her cheeks, and stroked the other, trying to ease my pounding chest.

“Then it’s decided,” I said, “And, where are we going?”

“I’ll… Uh… I’ll order us a minicab? I just need a phone?”

“My mobile’s dead I’m afraid,” I let go of Kitty to peer into the shop, “but Rash has a phone and 

Yellow Pages on the counter.”

“Great,” Kitty smiled awkwardly, looked confused for a moment, then nodded and half-skipped into the shop, her dress hem bouncing up to flash her pale thighs. 

My breath heavy, I looked down to see Kitty had dropped her coat. 

I picked it up, all other coherent thought having evaporated. 

“They can send someone right away,” Kitty returned smiling sheepishly. 

She reached for her coat, but I held it out for her instead. 

“Oh, thank you,” Kitty giggled shyly and turned her back to me. I thought I saw her cheeks flush a little yet again as she did. 

Shit, I need to keep myself in check, I thought as Kitty slid into the sleeves, She’s not my girl!. 

Ignoring myself, I manoeuvred her round to face me and started to button her up. It was only when I was halfway done that I thought Kitty might consider this a really fucking weird thing for me to do. I cursed myself. But when I was finished, I looked up to see Kitty’s lips parted and her eyelids heavy. 

“All wrapped up,” I muttered, sweat rolling down the back of my neck.

“Yes,” she agreed breathlessly. I went to devour her lips again but was brought up short by the blare of a car horn outside the shop door. 

“Oh!” Kitty giggled, “Um… that’s us I think.”

“Yes,” I said, my mouth dry. 

The ride back to Kitty’s was mercifully short. Nonetheless, I vibrated on the lumpy backseat next 

to her, unsure again about the whole idea. It had been a long time since I’d done anything like this. 

Actually, I never did this. 

I never moved so quickly after meeting someone. I took my time to see if we meshed, to see if they were alright. To make sure I would be alright. 

My forehead creased. I turned to look at Kitty, who was picking at the hem of her dress, staring nervously ahead. A wave of empathy cut through my anxiety. 

Is she worried about the driver hassling us?

I reached over to cover her fidgeting hands. She stilled her picking and looked at me with that unguarded expression again, which just made me want to jump her right there. Her eyes grew wide, as if she could hear what I was thinking. 

We pulled to a stop and Kitty paid the driver. We just about managed to get out of the minicab before we were on top of each other again, stumbling into her building. 

“Shhhh,” she pleaded as we almost ploughed through her front door. We took off our coats quickly in the darkened hallway and Kitty navigated us into the kitchen. She tried to step quietly but I found it hard not to click my heels on the linoleum. 

The kitchen itself was dimly lit by the hum of the yellow street light outside. I couldn’t see much beyond a large wooden dining table with matching chairs in the middle of the room, surrounded by kitchen countertops hugging the walls along with a modern looking stove and fridge/freezer. I did notice that most of the surfaces were strewn with dishes and cups, probably used, given the lingering odour of what I thought might have been toast. 

Once across the kitchen, Kitty opened a door and stepped aside for me. I walked into a small bedroom that screamed the writers-block she had mentioned in the club. Kitty squeezed past and swept a tangle of trousers and papers off the bed and onto the floor. 

“Sorry about this,” she apologised with an embarrassed smile, “I wasn’t expecting…”

“Don’t worry ab…” I stopped speaking when she sat on the now cleared end of the bed, her hands stuck firmly between her knees. She looked suddenly so shy, her head lowered to one side. 

Something in me stirred.

I sat carefully next to her, and tried to catch her eyes. She darted a look at me and then away again, blushing, and smiling nervously.

I reached an arm around her waist, worried I would startle her. Instead, she leaned into my touch, and laid her head on my shoulder. I caught the earthy scent of her hair as she nestled into the curve of my neck. The impulse to hurl her onto her back was overwhelming, but Kitty’s apparent delicacy stayed me. 

“I like the smell of your hair,” I swallowed. 

“I like the smell of your neck,” Kitty whispered, her breath warm against my skin. 

Jesus, fuck…

I had absolutely no idea what do with her. 

I needed to re-assert something.

I withdrew my arm, reached between her knees, and gently picked up the closest of her hands. I raised it and ran an index finger along her palm, which elicited a low murmur.

“Oh, miss Kitty, you do have long fingers.”

I winced at my choice of words, worried I sounded ridiculous. But Kitty lifted her face, her cheeks flush and her expression wanting. 

More sure-footed, I brought her hand up to lightly kiss her fingertips. Kitty cast her eyes down with a shyness that made me ache.

Lowering her hand and releasing her wrist, I leaned over to take off my shoes and glide as gracefully off the bed as my skirt would allow. Once kneeling on the floor, I slid my hands over the front of her thighs, guiding them apart so I could shuffle between them. Kitty’s gaze lowered further. I craned my head to catch her eyes. 

“Why is it so hard to look at me?” I surprised myself with how firm I sounded. 

“I… I don’t know,” Kitty looked at me and then quickly away again, “I mean, I’m usually so in my head… I guess I don’t think…”

“Now isn’t really the time for thinking, but more for feeling and connecting” I suggested, looking at her timidly turned away, “I’d like to try that with you, if you would like that too?”

“I’d like that,” Kitty answered with a small voice, daring a glance at me, “I’m sorry about this… I want it… I want you… I hope you can be patient… with me?”

She held my gaze with a heart-melting little smile.

“Of course,” I caressed the sides of her legs, “We can take all the time you need.”

I lifted my hands and placed them on her waist, feeling her deep breath in my grip. I raised up so we were face to face, her eyes focused on my mouth. Taking that as my cue, I leaned forward so our lips were an inch apart. 

“May I kiss you?” I whispered. 

Kitty launched forward, kissing me hard, her arms wrapped around my neck. Shocked, I brought my hands up to cup her cheeks, trying to guide her eagerness. Kitty slowed and started to follow my lead again.

I took my hands from her cheeks and wrapped my arms around her waist to pull tighter between her legs, pressing our chests together. I held her like that, kissing deeply, feeling her need swell, and holding the moment. The thrill of setting the pace struck me, but the thought I should run a mile also threatened. 

Kitty shifted and groaned into my mouth, her wordless begging obliterating my immediate worry. 

I kissed her with abandon, holding her tighter still until we finally separated, panting and lightheaded. 

I leaned back to look into Kitty’s blissed expression. Unable to hold back any more, I pushed her back onto the bed, falling with her to land with my hips between her legs. Kitty gasped but then moaned, arching into me. I pulled her head to the side with a handful of her hair and fell onto her neck. Kitty ground her hips into me, her groans vibrating through my tongue on her throat.  

I let go of her hair, lifted her knees, and shifted my hips directly onto Kitty’s crotch. She pushed up even harder to meet me. 

Completely lost in her, I pulled the hem of Kitty’s dress up her chest until it wriggled around her shoulders and finally came free over her head. 

I looked down on her, frozen, stunned. 

She looked up at me, open and unabashed, until she seemed to realise her exposure and turned her head away again. 

I took her chin and turned her back to face me. 

“You are so beautiful,” I said firmly, “There’s no need to look away from me.”

Kitty blushed red, but didn’t resist my hold on her. Rather she looked directly back at me. I let go and lowered my hand to hover near her underwear.

“Is it okay if I touch you, Kitty?” 

She nodded but averted her eyes again. Her consent seemed genuine, but towering above her, I needed more.

“I have to hear it, Kitty,” I explained as gently as I could, “Tell me that it’s okay to touch you.”

“I want you to touch me,” Kitty answered timidly, still looking down, before adding softly, “please.”

“Now,” I said with a low rumble in my chest, “Say it while looking at me.”

I think I meant the instruction kindly. I wanted Kitty to feel powerful in her desire. But there was also a desire of my own. 

Kitty looked directly at me, “I want you to touch me.” 

“That’s much better,” I whispered.

I braced myself with one hand on the bed and placed the other gently on the front of Kitty’s underwear. I moved my fingers around the smooth cloth to Kitty’s slick skin beneath. She moaned and closed her eyes as I found my way to her wet outer lips. I moved them aside with one finger and slipped another between them easily. Kitty bit her lip and shuddered. 

“This feels good,” I meant her but also myself.

Kitty groaned her agreement. 

I brushed her swollen clit with my thumb and she jerked forward into my hand, gasping. I lifted her thigh with my free arm, to spread her legs further. 

“I like to see what I’m doing,” I exhaled and Kitty pushed harder against my hand. 

I held her gaze as I moved my fingers slowly inside her. Kitty dropped her head back and matched my movements, urging me to speed up with her hips. 

“Good girl,” I let slip.

Kitty’s moans became louder as I pinched and pressed through her thrusting. She arched her back as I slipped a third finger in, her groans becoming guttural, her grinding more desperate, until she let out a piercing cry and pulled her knees tight around my waist. 

I held myself up as best I could through her bucking until it slowly subsided. As her breath calmed, I carefully withdrew my fingers and lay on top of her. Kitty wrapped her arms and legs around me and panted in my ear.

“You are so beautiful,” I kissed her neck again and again, “And god it’s wonderful to make you come.”

She muttered something unintelligible as I continued to shower her neck with kisses.

Finally dragging myself upright, I struggled out of my soaked clothes, and we slumped naked and tangled together. 

“Did you call me a good girl?” Kitty mumbled, her eyes still closed. 

“Y..yes,” I admitted, mortified I had. 

Fuck, what had I been thinking?! She was vanilla! This was vanilla! I can’t say things like that to her!

“Because you came like a very good girl,” I winced at my dire attempt to cover.

Lying silently, Kitty didn’t seem to think my explanation unusual. Or perhaps she was still completely out of her mind. 

I lay back further, exhaustion weighing heavily on my chest.

“But how about you?” Kitty whispered.

“Hmmm?” I murmured, “Oh… don’t worry, I had plenty of fun.”

Kitty nodded weakly and curled into the crook of my arm with a tired sigh. 

We lay like that, in the haze of our sex, as we drifted off. In the moments just before I passed out, anxiety stabbed at me, and I held Kitty closer still.